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Confessions
of an Indiegirl:
Sponge Bob, S.D.
by Bari Koral |
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An unfortunate event today. I was booked on a large festival in South Dakota. I have managed to make some fans in South Dakota, but I was not the headliner of the event. No I wasn’t. Unfortunately, the headliner was the popular star of the morning children’s cartoon Sponge Bob. I really resented the fact a Sponge was upstaging me.
The stage manager came up to me before my show.
“Bari, after your set, Sponge Bob is going to walk out on stage. He’s just a Sponge, you know, he doesn’t talk. He’ll just keep quiet and stand and wave to the kids and they can take pictures. We would like you to play some music while he does this.”
You are asking me to back up a Sponge? This was a new low.
“What in god’s name do you want me to play exactly?”
I wondered if this was in my contract.
“Oh anything appropriate Bari.” He said, “Don’t think too much about it. Just a good tune that he could wave to and probably dance around a bit.”
Good god. How embarrassing.
“A DJ from the Oldies station in town is going to you.”
I looked over at the DJ. Now, there was a face for radio. The cotton candy and fried dough machines nearby were making lots of noise. The DJ strained to be heard above the racket. “Ladies and Gentlemen.” He announced. “It’s my pleasure to introduce a wonderfully talented performer all the way from New York City who’s managed to win many a fan here in South Dakota. Ladies and Gentleman, Bobby Koral!”
Scattered applause.
“It’s BARI” I said, horrified.
“What?” asked the DJ. “I can’t hear you. Dolly?”
“God, never mind,” and I walked on stage with a smile painted on my face.
“Thank you.” I said to the few dozen people who were standing there and started my set.
About half way through they must have made an announcement that Sponge Bob was going to appear soon, because all of a sudden the front of the stage flooded with kids ranging from about 5-7 years of age. They appeared almost delirious at the thought of meeting their hero.
I finished up the song I had been signing. Amidst some clapping I heard one kid yell “Sponge Bob, we want Sponge Bob.”
Now it was starting to get ugly. “Listen kid,” I hissed from the stage. “You have to get through me before you get Sponge Bob, so just relax and settle on in there.” I then proceeded to play the darkest tunes I could think of while the kids warbled like they just might fall down.
Finally, the stage manager signaled to me.
“It’s time!”
And out walked Sponge Bob to almost deafening applause. Screaming, fainting kids. Good god.
I studied his yellow, square-shaped body. I am so dumb. I had even watched the children's cartoon with my niece who's 4 and it wasn't until the 2nd episode I realized that Sponge Bob and the entire cast lived underwater.
I had no idea what to play, so I launched into “Octopus’s Garden” by The Beatles. Sponge Bob swayed and waved and people snapped photo after photo. Kids screamed to touch him.
I prayed for it to be over quickly.
“Great show,” Sponge Bob whispered to me while he waved, “I’m in room 301, if you want some company after the show.” Then he winked at me through his pores. Apparently he could talk after all.
That night I caught a glimpse of myself on the local news backing up Sponge Bob.
What a very strange creature. And can someone tell me, how is it exactly that that Sponge is making so much more money then I am?
Previous articles by Bari Koral include:
Confessions of an Indiegirl:
Bari Koral Bari Koral Bari Koral
Confessions of an Indiegirl:
Cornfields Meet Death Metal
Confessions of an Indiegirl:
Make Beautiful Music
Confessions of an Indiegirl:
Jam, Death Metal and Bikinis
Confessions of
an Indiegirl: Getting On Board
Confessions of an
Indiegirl: Off To Spain
Confessions of an
Indiegirl: Tornado Alley |
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_________________________________
To find out more about Bari Koral visit:
http://www.barikoral.com/ |
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_________________________________
Bari Koral is an international touring and recording artist. When
she's not traveling she divides her time between NYC and Woodstock,
NY. |
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